“Look deep into nature and then you will understand everything better.” -Albert Einstein

I used to struggle and strive.  I used to think that I needed to ‘do’ more in order to give my body the best chance to heal.  I used to feel guilty when I ate a piece of pizza.  I used to say ‘should’ a lot.  ‘I should be working harder’, ‘I should be doing X,Y or Z for my mission.’  That pattern is rapidly falling away.  Now I know that I just have to be ‘me’ in the purest, most authentic way that I am able in every moment.

God does the heavy lifting behind the scenes.  There isn’t much for me to do except to follow the breadcrumbs that are laid out for me.  Those breadcrumbs don’t always lead where I expect them to go, but they always lead me to where I am meant to be.  While walking this morning I had a realization.  It’s been growing for the last couple of weeks and it hit like a lightning strike today.  My purpose is to be present in this world to radiate inspiration.  Most people who hear my story first go to pity, but most after hearing how long I’ve been on this journey (more than 5 years) and how healthy I clearly look, change their tune.  Many people share with me other stories of unconventional healing from their family and friends, which helps me to know that we are a growing troop, that they chalked up to the unexplained until they met me. I feel that I am here to demonstrate that cancer can be the greatest blessing and catalyst for change in one’s life.  My attitude, which has undergone immense transformation, is altering my experience.  Cancer doesn’t have to be scary.  It doesn’t have to make you feel like a victim.

I am somebody who, having witnessed the catastrophic damage of conventional cancer treatments with my father, was called to a different path.  Rather than let fear drive my decision (you should do chemotherapy because it might halt the spread), I followed my heart.  Does that mean those who choose conventional treatments are wrong?  No.  In fact, I believe that the mind is where healing happens first so if chemotherapy helps your mind to feel like you are healing, than I think that’s perfect.  My purpose is to demonstrate, simply by my presence, that cancer does not have to be a scary, out of control nightmare, but can be the catalyst for the most remarkable changes that actually transform and save your life.

Fear-mongering has been a powerful weapon employed throughout history.  Fear makes us feel vulnerable and separated.  Fear makes us run to what to what is conventional because it is what ‘everybody else is doing’ whether it’s medical treatments or giving up ever more personal liberty to feel safe from ‘external’ threats.  What everybody else is doing doesn’t usually make us safer, unless you are a herd of gazelle being chased by a lion.  Safety, for me, has become synomymous with faith.  I have faith that what God wants for me will reveal itself at the right time and I must trust that.

Even the word ‘apocalypse’ has been twisted to denote doom and gloom.  The actual ancient Greek literal translation of apocalypse is ‘unveiling’ or ‘revealing’.  That’s not so scary!  In fact, it’s beautiful.  It’s the transformation from darkness to light, which in case you hadn’t noticed, is occurring in huge numbers right now on earth.

As I walked in nature today I was surrounded by butterflies doing their thing.  These delicate creatures flit and float and radiate their majestic beauty, and yet, who were they before?  Every butterfly was once a crawling caterpillar, awkwardly making its way along the earth, eating and climbing and eventually spinning a cocoon around itself.  Being a caterpillar cannot be that enjoyable.  Nor can it be fun to undergo the metamorphosis required to transition to a butterfly.  It can’t know what is in store for it.  It just trusts the natural process of life.

We have an incessant need to know what is coming next, to ‘be prepared’. We are like moths to the flame when it comes to fear. Why?  Knowing what comes next sort of takes the adventure out of the unfolding.  We are conditioned to read the last page of the novel rather than appreciate the story as it is meant to be experienced.  That must really piss authors off when readers skip to the last page…

It’s been more than 5 years since my diagnosis and, without a doubt, I am healthier in mind and body than I have ever been in my life.  Reaching this perspective, a state of consciousness, has been gradual. All that I need to do is share my experiences with others.  I don’t tell people what ‘treatments’ to pursue.  I simply want people to feel powerful and unafraid of the journey that God has for them.  I want people to relax and listen to the wisdom of their hearts, which is no small accomplishment in a modern society that discredits feelings and intuition in favor of logic and fear.  When you tap into your heart wisdom the inevitable conclusion that you will draw is that everything is in perfect divine order. You have nothing to fear. I mean that.

It sometimes amazes me that the majority of the people of earth believe in God, and practice a religion and yet most fear the unknown.  There is no unknown.  God knows all.

I have no physical indications that I am checking out of this incarnation any time soon, but, hey, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow.  None of us has any idea what comes next.  Our healthcare system, while it may be trying to save lives, scares the bejeezus out of most of us.  Do whatever tests you feel you must do, but please relax.  The body has incredible healing capabilities, but ONLY when it isn’t in fight or flight mode.  The body heals the wound on the finger and it can reverse cancer.  There are thousands of cases recorded under the label ‘spontaneous remission’.   More than that, however, acknowledge that there is a divine order and, in the end, none of us is getting out alive, so lighten up!

After all the striving and struggle, it feels like I have transitioned to the butterfly.  I focus each day on, in the words of my inspirational friend Bruce Cryer, what makes my heart sing.  There is such richness in living life in the present moment and appreciating the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ that life offers.  Life is precarious and fleeting.  I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know it will be in divine order.  For today, I intend to suck the nectar out of the flowers and follow my inner voice, the voice of God.

<3

Erin