Perspective is everything in this world. The person with a million dollars in their bank account may feel wealthy if surrounded by people with less or poor if surrounded by people with summer homes in the Hamptons. In fact, whenever my kids complain about what they lack I pull up images of children in Bangladesh. Perspective is a helpful parenting strategy.
I see challenges differently than most people these days. It’s not that I invite them or wish them on others, but I recognize the opportunity that always comes with them. I see the silver lining. Most of us are terrified of change. We fight tooth and nail to hang onto what we know, even if it isn’t best for us. We prefer the devil we know to the devil we don’t.
Losing a job is unsettling, but many people are just too comfortable in their miserable jobs to contemplate leaving consciously. If they are forced out they might go through fear, self-doubt or anger, but at some point, if they are willing to go deeper, they might admit to themselves that where they were no longer felt right. If they can tap into a positive image of themselves, seeing their strengths and abilities which we all have, rather than a victim image, they can use the job lay off to propel them to a much more satisfying life. The same can be said about the end of a personal relationship.
When someone gets a scary diagnosis it’s our social conditioning to think of the negatives. It’s hard not to dwell on how this impacts our loved ones. We look for answers as to ‘why’’ the tornado landed on our house. I have believed since the moment it happened to me that my grief over losing my father, my self-loathing and crappy eating contributed greatly to my challenge. There is plenty of evidence to confirm for me that trauma in our lives weakens our bodies and invites disease. There is plenty of evidence that environmental factors contribute significantly to our health including smoking, fake food, toxic personal care products and too many pharmaceuticals. I still believe this, but when I pull back further, when I expand my perspective, I see more.
If healthful eating fully insulated us from disease why do vegans get cancer? If self-loathing always causes disease why aren’t even more people developing brain tumors? The world of health is full of contradictions; which is frustrating when you are trying to make sense of something. Why do some people heal by changing their diet, but others don’t? Why do some people heal by changing their mindset, but others don’t? The universe is filled with mystery and awe. It’s just stupid humanity that ‘thinks’ it is possible to understand how it all works. Sometimes the easiest answer is to accept the mystery and forego the mastery.
I still believe that choosing minimally processed foods and personal care products, living in accordance with nature as much as possible, and tapping into self-love and self-respect play a critical part in health, but there is an idea that keeps surfacing for me. It is coming through me and through intuitive guides I have worked with. This idea is that the challenges we draw to ourselves, be it health, job or relationship is something that we decided to experience in order to deepen our experience of self-love. It’s easy to love what the human world defines as good. Huge growth comes from loving what humans deem unlovable. Things like cancer, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job and therefore security are all ripe with human misery. Are these vehicles of human torture really just opportunities to turn within ourselves and reconnect with self-love? Are the challenges portals to recognizing that we are worthy of love even when everything that we hold as measures of success in life are crumbling around us? From my perspective, challenges give us the amazing grace that comes with surrender to a Higher Power.
This idea bears fruit for me in the way I have deeply grown through my health challenge and how much I have truly come to love myself in a way that I probably never could have without it. I have learned to love my humanness. My imperfect perfection. My Erin-ness. I have learned to love the brain tumor too whether it still exists or not, which I no longer check. My life is in front of me, not behind me. She really hasn’t caused me much trouble anyway, besides being expensive, which taught me that I am worth it! I named her Pearl. She helped me find my voice. She made me a much better mother, wife and friend. She made me appreciate the little things. She made me enjoy the present moment. I am learning how to treat Pearl like a thing, not a part of me. She is an experience and that’s all.
One intuitive woman I know, having gone through a near death experience and returning with a toolbox of intuitive gifts, told me that my father wants me to stop associating his passing and the past in general with the brain tumor. While it may have been the particular vehicle that I used to arrive at this place, another vehicle would have worked the same. She told me this was part of my soul contract to experience in this lifetime. She also mentioned (as does every intuitive that I have ever worked with) that I am meant to be here for a long time…like old lady territory. I like that message because as I continue to love my life even more, as I appreciate the awesomeness of it all, I want to stay and play awhile longer!
What if every challenge is an invitation to go deeper? What if it is meant to open you further to who you really are, which is so much more than a physical body? What if it is a dare to find a way to love yourself when the shit hits the fan? Can you love yourself when your body isn’t perceived to be perfectly healthy? Can you love yourself when another person or organization says ‘we don’t need you’? Can you love through the loss of someone you cherish? Can you love your mess?
I don’t have the answer as to why you lost your job or were diagnosed with cancer. What I can offer is that, just like an Impressionist painting like Monet’s Water Lilies, you can’t see the beauty and perfection of it when you are up close. It just looks like smudges of paint. Step back, observe it from a more distant perspective and the beauty, genius and perfection of it is revealed. Love whatever your challenge is, not because it is easy, but because it is an invitation to surrender to a profound love of self just as you are. It’s easy to love yourself when your body is ripped, hair is perfect and your bank account is fat, except we all know people with these outward manifestations who don’t love themselves. The real power is in learning to love what you perceive to be unlovable. That’s power. That’s the kind of love that inspires others to do the same. That becomes the beginning of a revolution. Besides, hating it won’t make it go away. Hating feeds it energy. Love it for how it expands your perspective. Love it for how it changes you. Love it because if it is showing up in your life it is not an accident, it is there for you to go deeper into the human experience of love, surrender, courage and faith.
Living like this has made my life a very peaceful, accepting experience. I’d love for you to feel it too.