Although sharing information that I am receiving through my healing journey is incredibly important to me, sometimes I feel like people think I am regimented, perfect in my diet, exercise and attitude, and upbeat all the time.  That’s just not true.  I make plenty of ‘interesting’ choices.  I am far from perfect.

Most of us spend most of our time showing our persona, which comes from the Latin root meaning ‘mask’.  The only time we take it off is when we are in our homes or with close family and friends.  Facebook and other social media platforms simply amplify this.  We have an epidemic of seemingly sameness where we fear being perceived as different and, in some way, unacceptable.  To whom?  Who is this entity that decides how we should behave, what we should care about and what is right and wrong?

Inspired by Dr. Lissa Rankin, whom I hugely admire for her work in lifting the consciousness of the planet, I thought I’d spend a little time letting you get to know the shadow side of me that may not be perceived in my writing.  The shadow side is not my ‘bad’ side.  My shadow side just doesn’t see much light.  I gotta say, it feels very refreshing and a little scary to let it all hang out there.  I hope you feel inspired to let what makes you unique and quirky and wonderful out to play.  She/He has been hiding in the dark for far too long…

1. I am an introvert.
   • Being an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t like being with people! It simply means that to recharge my battery, I need alone time in the same way extroverts need people to recharge theirs.  When I was a kid, I played by myself or with the neighborhood boys a lot.  There weren’t any girls my age.  I was a bit of a tom boy but still always wanted to be Wonder Woman when we played Super Friends.  I could entertain myself for hours with frogs and caterpillars, stuffed animals and Barbies.  I had 56 Barbies!  Into adulthood, I never mastered the art of chatting.  If someone wants to discuss world events, the deeper meaning of life, an episode of Modern Family or funny movies, I am all set.  I think that’s why I always prefer sitting at a party getting into a deeper discussion with a small group of people.  At a house party, large function or bar, I am totally out of my element…unless there’s trivia.  I LOVE trivia.
2. I cheat on my diet every day.
   • I am a sucker for crunch. I have to have it!  Lettuce wraps sometimes suffice but I eat many more veggie chips than are good for me.   At least I switched my vice from popcorn, cheese doodles and chex mix to something non-GMO and with ‘veggie’ right in the name.   Maybe not a health food, but I do my best.
3. I am not a good social drinker.
   • I drank too much in college and enjoyed white wine spritzers too much after college. I don’t drink much at home now, maybe 2 cocktails a month.  Because of what I revealed in number 1 (introvert), I tend to overdue my alcohol at parties almost like a social lubricant (phrase courtesy of Colin Cowherd of ESPN) to loosen me up.  It is poison for my body, especially now that I am so much cleaner.  I recently had one glass of red wine – something I never, ever do and the next day I felt like I had 2 bottles!  It can be challenging for an introvert to go to a party and not drink because we are already uncomfortable and everybody else is doing it.  Makes me feel sort of lame, but I don’t want to drink much anymore and as a result, my social life is bound to change.
4. When I was first diagnosed with brain cancer, I seriously contemplated suicide.
   • I did. I remember so vividly sitting in the Duxbury Beach parking lot weighing pros and cons.  My intentions were good- to spare my family.  This went on for about a month.  People tell me I am so brave.  I felt it was important for you to know that there was A LOT of darkness to witness before I began to see the light.
5. I wear the same ratty t-shirts to bed that I have been wearing for years.
   • They no longer fit, they are tattered and were never in style. Most are gray.  They are comfortable…so awesomely comfortable.  Most of them were either my husband’s or shirts we picked up as promotions in 5k races etc.
6. I want people to like me.
   • The path of my life can be very lonely. I am honored to share what I am learning with people, even if it goes against conventional wisdom, but the ones who shake things up aren’t usually the most popular.  I completely respect the opinions of others.  Truly I do, even if you are totally opposed to my views.  It is hard putting information out there when you know that many people would rather not have the status quo challenged.  The truth is, if I had not questioned authority and had done traditional cancer treatments, I would have people lining up around me, ‘liking’ every post, and fundraising for me.  I made my choice and I don’t regret that, but man does it hurt to be rejected.   I’ll continue to share because every week I hear from someone whom I have helped and that makes it all worth it.  I am just saying that I am human and have feelings that get hurt too.  Please don’t hate me for sharing what I do.  I do it for love and service to humanity, not for ego.  If I did it for ego, I would be doing a REALLY bad job of it…
7. I spend time with animals because they don’t judge me or need anything but my affection.
   • Sometimes I need to be the one nurtured.  Mothers don’t get this opportunity very much unless you have extra cash to get massages, pedicures and babysitters at will.  Beyond feeding, the dogs ask for NOTHING but love. I can always be myself with them.  They don’t care what I’m wearing, what I’m thinking, or what I am being.  I don’t have to watch my language or even close the door when I use the bathroom.  If I go out to the garage for 30 seconds, they wait by the door for me to return and jump up and down as if to say “thank God you’re back!  I missed you so much.”  How many relationships do you have like that?
8. I yell.
   • Yelling isn’t exactly ‘zen’ is it? My kids are particularly good at getting under my zen exterior.  The funny thing is, the big stuff in life rarely ruffles my feathers but forget to put your jacket or basketball bag in the closet, ignore me the 8 times I tell you it is time for bed or ‘forget’ to finish your salad and I get pretty loud.  I am not proud of it, but it is something I am working on.
9. Every 2 months I put toxic crap in my hair to highlight it.
   • Vanity has me with this one. I like how I look when my hair is a bit lighter.  I know that non-toxic options exist, but I love my hair dresser and am very loyal to her as she was the one to notice the bump on my head that led to the brain tumor discovery.  For 2 days around my appointment, I drink extra detox tea and bombard my body with liver and detox-supporting essential oils and chlorophyll.

I am human.  That means I am perfectly imperfect.  As the planet moves through this shift in consciousness, it is happening so fast right now, I cannot think of anything more important than for all of us to drop our acts and be as real and true as possible.  If society requires us to hide our quirks, is it a society that we really want to be a part of?  I am flying my freak flag and I hope you are too.  You will have my deep respect and admiration each time you do.

I’d love for you to share your shadow side in the comments if you feel comfortable.  I promise that I am a judgement-free zone!